Anxiety.

anxiety

Anxiety. Webster dictionary defines the word anxiety as apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipating event or action.

I have had the most anxiety, drama filled months these past few months and it has been killing me to not be able to write about it. I wish that I could just air everything out, release everything and feel better but I know that once it is written down and loaded online, I can’t take it back. It can be used against me and it can cause more problems than it may even be worth. So I have kept everything pretty much bottled inside for weeks. Today I just felt like I was going to explode from keeping everything inside so I finally decided I would write something at least. Maybe if I even was able to just write out how I’ve been coping with the stress, maybe that will help or at least show others healthy ways to cope with stress. Not all stress is everyday things such as paying your bills, taking care of your family, and just keeping yourself together. Sometimes stress comes from out of nowhere and you’re not even sure how anyone gets through something like this. But you’re not alone. Maybe not many people are going through the exact same stresses that you are going through, but there is bound to be at least one other person out there that has gone through the same or is going through the same thing.

So since I can’t really talk in detail about everything I have had going on, here are things that I have started doing to adjust my life into a healthier lifestyle.

My sister and I recently opened up our own business selling customized items such as shirts, mugs and more. At first I was just so busy with life and everything that I couldn’t really focus much on it with making new designs, promoting things and making practice designs so that I know I could make things perfect. But lately, it has really helped me deal with a lot. I made a few outfits for the twins, I made a shirt for myself, made a few gifts and now I’ve even taken in 5 orders! Things are just really started to turn around for me and it feels amazing. I’ve been able to turn something that was just a hobby into an actual business and people actually like the designs I’ve come up with.

I’ve also gone back into cooking and baking. Now everything I’ve tried to make hasn’t always been a success but that’s why I’m experimenting. Trying new things and learning how to make them. You have to start somewhere. So I’m trying new things, trying new spices and learning how to put things together. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes we have to order pizza. Either way though, I’m putting my focus and energy into something positive that isn’t just curling up into a ball and crying.

I’ve learned that everyone is going to go through things in life that aren’t exactly fun or easy to handle, but you have to be strong enough to get through all of that. Especially as a parent. You can’t succumb to the stress of what you have going on in life because those kids count on you. I know that there are times where you have to set time aside for just you but I can’t ever see me putting anyone or anything over my kids. There’s even a little girl out there who isn’t biologically mine and I still would put her over anything else I have going on. Children need that support and love from us. So that is why I have spent time doing things that help with the stress in a positive way so that I can be the best possible for them. I do my designs after they have gone to bed or when their dad has them and they are the perfect taste testers for anything I cook or bake. The twins might be too little to really help but sometimes they like to even just sit in their high chairs in the kitchen and watch me. I can’t imagine my life without any of them in it. It’s hard to think about what life was like before them because my life is so much better with them.

I want to be able to proudly look them in the eye and tell them mommy worked full time, was in school full time, coped with her stress in healthy ways and none of them ever caused her to neglect any of them. None of them will ever feel slighted in any way. They will never know what it feels like to not have me love them and care for them. They will never know what it feels like to not have me be proud of their accomplishments even ones as small as knowing which color is blue and which color is brown. I will always applaud them and I won’t ever let my stress get in the way of my life.

It’s easier said than done. Trust me. I know all about the mom guilt or feeling inadequate but kids care about who didn’t give up and just say screw it, I don’t care anymore. They don’t need you to be perfect. They don’t need you to be flawless. They need you to never give up…to keep pushing on and keep trying to be better. Just to keep being there and I’m proud of myself for being able to find ways to accomplish all of that.

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